World Mental Health Day

Do you know who you are? What makes you, You? 

We all like to think that we are our own free person who makes decisions and have unique experiences based on what happen to us in the past.

Yet, psychology has time and time again show us the power of social and cultural context, how different situations causes us to conform, obey and appear apathy; not to mention biology influences where  chemicals in our brains or genetics makes decision for us.

So who really are we? Who we want who we were and who we wanna be.We are a culmination of all these things and more!  

While its true that certain things are hard wired in our DNA ( part of our survival instinct), and yet other things are learnt script that help us function more efficiently, it doesn't mean we are helpless against them. Epigentics, neuro plasticity, medicine, therapy and more can help us to overcome or reduce any disorder we may have that prevent us from living a full life. 

It can be something small such as fear of public speaking or it can be a full fledge agorophobia that restrict you from stepping out from your front door. 

What I want to say is: It's Okay.

Its not you. Its a culmination of a lot of things that made it this way. So dont for a second be hard on yourself, be stuck in rumination and feel alone and helpless. 

You are not alone. 

There are tons and tons of people out there facing the same thing as you. Even if you can't find them, there will always be emphatic listening ears ( such as your love ones) and professionals who will be able to lighten whatever load you have been carrying.

Stop hugging them so tight trying to hide them away. Open your arms and let them go. Illness may continue to linger on you, but suffering will be lesser without the fear and anxiety. Who knows, one day, they make decide to leave you too.

Reach out. Dont silence your soul. There is always a number to call no matter where you are. Its just a phone call away. 

P.s. if someone decline you of the help you seek, keep trying. Dont give up and deny yourself to wellness. You deserve happiness ♡

Non-Striving

Ever since I went back to school, it's been a journey of being chase by deadlines, using time for love ones, work and now , even for self. I always set aside time for self as I know it cant be neglected if I want to stay true to my soul. Without that, everything else that comes out will not be my best reflection.

Its not difficult too. I do know what makes me feel Hell Yeah! And I do know it should take aro 2-3 hrs max. But I push it priority down below. Which i really shouldnt have. 

Is it all in my head? I wouldnt be able to make a correct judgement if i want to since every word that is coming out now is from my brain. 

But I do feel it. My soul if I may say. Its not flowing. There is a block.

I do get flow now and then, and its usually when Im not thinking about certain things. Just in the zone, the act of doing something without an expected outcome or even a purpose.

One great example was when I was trying so hard to rush out an essay. I set aside time for it, expected 80-100 words per hour (which is really not much) and nothing good came out.

Its like (for a lack of vocab) constipation, it came out in bits and pieces and it was a torture. Decided to call it a night, went to bed and watcj youtube videos (on the essay topic) feeling dread and hopelessness as I fell asleep. Next morning, I did my standard 3 pages of journal before anything. 

Oh wow. You wouldnt believe it. The 3 pages basically is the structure of my essay. While it was ragged and not supported with references, it flow. The whole essay flowed. All I had to do was write ut out properly and cite it properly. 

The point here is : it flow when I dont push.

I experience once again the art of non-striving. 

Letting go when your brain tells you to hold tighter is counter intuitive. But, when you let go, you open yourself up to receive more, to accept, to flow with the tide.

Unclench your fist, 

Open your palm.

Clear the mist,

Enter calm.