Can we be 100% self-reliant?

Can we be 100% self-reliant when we have this innate need for validation, acknowledgment and recognition?

Where does this need comes from in the first place?

If we were born perfect, why do we feel that we are not enough and constantly have to strive for more?

I do believe that every one is born perfect. There is no good nor bad, no right or wrong, no sense of meaning and thus we don't suffer. Everything unfold moment by moment, naturally. Hunger, discomfort, we cry, brain produce endorphins, we self-soothes. 

But as we grow, we receive tons of input: "This is wrong" "That is right". "Stop it." "No." "You are such a good boy.". People older than us are constantly approving or disapproving what we 'naturally' want to do. We can always ignore them and stick to our guns but biology made us in such a way that our brain develop way faster than our body. Thus, we are unable to convert our thoughts into action and become dependent. (e.g. can't reach the door handle, not enough strength to open the jar, can't walk / run steadily, cant express out our thoughts clearly) 

So we need people. Mainly to feed us and care for us. We want them to understand us. Such dependency inevitably lead us wanting people to like us so that they will give us what we want. "I'll be a good girl and THEN I can get that candy that I want". We are being 'controlled' in that sense due to our own lack of physical ability, to love, care and look after ourselves. It no surprise when we reach adolescent (a period where we began to master our spatial ability and critical thinking), we want independence so badly. We stop trying to 'please' as proof our sense of identity, our independence. Yet the truth of the matter is, we are already too used to pleasing people to get them to accept us. It is what we have been doing for the past 10 over years. We have become socially interdependent (my identity is tie yours and others around me and vice versa). It is not possible to just undo what has been programed in us so easily. So what do we do next?

We seek peers and society approval. This is the part of your life where you are trying out independence and wanting to do things by yourself and be successful by your own means. What does success means for an adolescent? Depending on what the environment had taught thus far, it can be academic or skills or something else like fame. That feeling of inadequacy still follow us around, making our decision and choices,  pushing us towards excellence to reach what we deem as success. Striving for perfection.

All this is well, normal. But back to the question: "Can we be 100% self-reliant?" We are so imbedded into the society and environment, seeking acknowledgement and achievements, using social definition and judgement to mark our own progress or even define us as successful or a failure. It seems almost impossible to be self-reliant unless we cut off the whole world (and all its social definition) and go be a hermit. But who would want to live that way. Without definition, life is meaningless. Also, do we really want accept all the consequences we face in our life as OUR OWN choice and decision and nothing to do with the 'situation'? That is a huge call. 

Well, here's a thought. What if we disregard all definitions of success and failures and create our own? What if we can see that we are all made perfect in the first place and throw away all judgements and perceptions that was programed onto us? What if we can unconditionally love, validate, acknowledge and accept ourselves without another soul's approval? What if we can support each other's definition instead of measuring and comparing each other's like there is only one answer? 

Then we will be able to see other as an equal, as a friend and most important of all : Be 100% self-reliant.