Non-Striving

Ever since I went back to school, it's been a journey of being chase by deadlines, using time for love ones, work and now , even for self. I always set aside time for self as I know it cant be neglected if I want to stay true to my soul. Without that, everything else that comes out will not be my best reflection.

Its not difficult too. I do know what makes me feel Hell Yeah! And I do know it should take aro 2-3 hrs max. But I push it priority down below. Which i really shouldnt have. 

Is it all in my head? I wouldnt be able to make a correct judgement if i want to since every word that is coming out now is from my brain. 

But I do feel it. My soul if I may say. Its not flowing. There is a block.

I do get flow now and then, and its usually when Im not thinking about certain things. Just in the zone, the act of doing something without an expected outcome or even a purpose.

One great example was when I was trying so hard to rush out an essay. I set aside time for it, expected 80-100 words per hour (which is really not much) and nothing good came out.

Its like (for a lack of vocab) constipation, it came out in bits and pieces and it was a torture. Decided to call it a night, went to bed and watcj youtube videos (on the essay topic) feeling dread and hopelessness as I fell asleep. Next morning, I did my standard 3 pages of journal before anything. 

Oh wow. You wouldnt believe it. The 3 pages basically is the structure of my essay. While it was ragged and not supported with references, it flow. The whole essay flowed. All I had to do was write ut out properly and cite it properly. 

The point here is : it flow when I dont push.

I experience once again the art of non-striving. 

Letting go when your brain tells you to hold tighter is counter intuitive. But, when you let go, you open yourself up to receive more, to accept, to flow with the tide.

Unclench your fist, 

Open your palm.

Clear the mist,

Enter calm.