Today was a difficult day

 

It's Ok to be Lost Sometimes

After days of torturing heat and scorching sun,

Blazing through the week like silent frustration

That voice, that noise, getting louder and louder, begging for release

As it can't hold back any longer, 

Out it pours, uncontrollably 

There was no thunder, no strong winds

Just a steady pace of incessant rain

Couldn't figure out what went wrong, proceed with what felt right

Get. In. The. Rain.

Empty park, streets light lined up, puddles of silver on the pavement, not a soul in sight.

the trees tried futilely to shed the rain while the soul sought to get soaked

no children at the playground. Nothing but the pitter-pattering sound of the rain

Lying down in the middle of a playground, hidden from prying eyes. 

the sky is laid bare and grey ahead, crying from its soul straight into my eyes

Silence.

Stillness.

Rain falls over every inch of my body, face, pooled into a puddle on my palms.

Clothes got soaked and finally, finally,

it penetrates through my soul, like a cleansing ritual

Cathartic. 

Droplets rolled off my cold skin, my face, crawled through my scalp, and dampens my hair

Whence hath thy warmth left me?

Just a single tear, streaking across the cold skin, will do

Tried but nothing came

no melody, no memories, no reasons 

was able to move deep enough, to create some warmth on this chilly night

no warmth for the lost soul tonight

But I know

It's ok, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok

It's alright to be lost sometimes

Fear is Normal

Fear is normal.

It is through fear that we know that we love and value things.

Safety, future, loved one, precious things, life.

If we don't love nor value any thing, there will be no fear.

It meant something to us, thus the fear...

of losing, of rejection, of failure.

An innate trait endowed to us by our ancestors, encoded into our DNA, to keep us save from harm, to continue the species. Fear prevent us from engaging in dangerous and harmful situation, kicked in fight/flight reposnses to focus on the threat and manuveur ourself away from it.

But that was eons ago when humans are not the top of the food chain, and life and death decisions are made on a daily basis. and fear dont stay long enough to become stress that plague us (we either die or we arrived at safety)

Although there are still situations in modern life that puts us in real danger, majority of daily stresses are not life threatening. Hassles, work burnout, loss of love one, quarrels, rejections etc. (Things that dont kill us, but dont disappear easily too)

We don't die from all these, but I guess, something inside us did died a little, and thus the fight and flight response still kicks in.

Thus, stress and fear feed each other in an endless cycle, we need to let go of that fear, leading us away from the truth, that its precisely we love and value that we fear.

Can we love without fear? We have to.

When we fear, we can't love. It runs on the same pathway and in opposite direction.

To love is to let go fear.

Knowing that fear is normal, and can be overcome, we will be free to love freely and unconditionally.

Back from Hiatus

 Engulfed myself in studies to prepare for my exam. Having a good feeling about it. 

Now, life is back to normal. But what is normal? I feel I've changed. Not that studying changed me but more of a general change, in my body, in perspective about life, in my surrounding.

Taking the time to slow down and observe all these before a new term starts and I get lost in studies again.

To be frank, I love learning about psychology. Where will it lead me? I don't know. There are so many options and I am just take my first few baby steps.

Just enjoying every single moment as much as I can.

Finding back my pace again.

One moment

One breath

One heartbeat

at a time