Just Because

What are Just Because? 

Things that are there just because they are there.

Here are few examples:

- Taking a flyer or product sample just because someone held it infront of you / it's free.

- Looking for things to buy or eat just because you're bored.

- Saying Yes when your heart says No (and vise versa) just because its easier than explaining/addressing it.

I am a master of Just Because. Not just because I came up with 'Just Because' (haha) but truly, I'm so good at it because I see myself as flexible, bendable and adaptable. Honestly, I just want people to accept me, like me and not think Im weird. Social conformity, social acceptance. 

Let's just take a quick look inside my Just Because wardrobe. A collection of clothes I own just because..

- someone say I look good in it

- someone say it fits my style

- someone's hand me downs because they no longer wear / cant fit it but it's expensive/still new/fit me so give me

- someone gift it to me

- someone say they prefer certain outfit on me

- it's still in good quality although I have outgrown it (clothes I had for 10yrs)

- it's cheap / on sales / friend all say it's a great deal

And just because I have them, I will wear them even though it can be hard to match, uncomfortable, not my style, makes me feel conscious or restrict my movement.

Not to mention, I will feel guilty if I don't wear them often enough.

Why am I like this? So passive and irresponsible.  

 To really understand anything of our adult's life dilemma, one just need to dive into one's own childhood. That is truly a topic worth getting a degree in.[1]

Well, as a child, I never have to make any decisions. I have my parents do that for me. My mom decides my wardrobe, prefering to cover me from shoulder to knees and often with my brother's hand me downs. What goes in and when it comes out are not really up to me to be frank. Faded batman shorts, ninja turtle tees, granny panties, bring them on.

The more agreeable I am, the more obedient they say I am, and the more they like me. Can you kind of see where I'm heading?

It's not just my wardrobe. My whole life is a series of one Just Because after another.

The stuff I owned, the choices I made, even the relationships I had.

To just mention some bigger decisions:

- I studied engineering just because I don't know where to go and a lecturer (total stranger) dropped my application in his department to recruit more student.

- I signed a crappy saving plan just because the agent (total stranger) I saw at the roadshow asked me to. 

- I studied a private degree in Business Admin just because my boyfried at that time needs a companion.

- I ended up at parttime jobs just because my friends last minute can't make it and ask me to fill in for them.(Plural as it happened twice, and at each job I stayed faithfully for 2-3years straight)

- I changed my career just because someone reccomended me a new job. (this also happened twice. The first lasted 8years and the second is 4 years and counting. At both times, I was content with my old job and not even thinking of changing)

- I fell in love just because someone said they love me (every single relationship I had. Not proud. There are some I wish I didn't had) 

Wow, suddenly felt that I was damn lucky to be where I am today. Could have turn out way way worst. Haha(nervous laughter).

Anyway, back to my wardrobe. Now that I know I'm making decisions based on a lousy paradigm (agree with people so they will like me) what's next? 

Steven Covey (the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) taught: to break or form any new habit, you must have 3 things:

- the knowledge

- the desire

- the skill 

Well I have the knowledge now. But do I have the desire to change my paradigm or the skills even to change it? 

We'll see.

[1] The School of Life : The One Subject You Really Need to Study - Your Own Childhood.